Recognizing the Signs of PMS

Many of my friends ask how I can make fun of women and survive the wrath of my girlfriend. Actually she a has a good sense of humor. Well most of the time. There is that time of the month when NOTHING is funny. This being that time called PMS. Many men just don't know when this time occurs. If they did, they would know the only thing a man can do, is Run! Run for the hills and don't come back until it is over. (This is a good time to go on that fishing trip with your buddies.)

So now guys, you are asking, "How do I know when my wife or girlfriend is experiencing PMS?" Well there are subtle signs. Learn to recognize these signals and you will be able to survive. Most women exhibit similar symptoms, so it will be easy for you to spot. For instance I know when my girlfriend has PMS when.....

1. She stops reading Cosmo and starts reading Guns and Ammo.
2. She buys $100 worth of chocolate and justifies it by saying "But honey, I just know it's one of the major food groups."
3. She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding her broom.
4. She's suddenly developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.
5. She retains more water than Lake Superior.
6. She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semi-automatic and "chambers a round."
7. She buys me a new T-shirt with a "bulls eye" on the front.
8. When I ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says, "All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?"
9. She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.
10. She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.