Having Trouble with WordPerfect...

Allegedly true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Allegedly the HelpDesk employee was fired but is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations).

• Ridge Hall, computer assistance, may I help you?
• Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.
• What sort of trouble?
• Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
• Went away?
• They disappeared.
• Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
• Nothing.
• Nothing?
• It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.
• Are you still in WordPerfect or did you get out?
• How do I tell?
• Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
• What's a sea-prompt?
• Never mind. Can you move your cursor around the screen?
• There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
• Does your monitor have a power indicator?
• What's a monitor?
• It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
• I don't know.
• Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
• Yes, I think so.
• Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
• Yes it is.
• When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
• No.
• Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
• Okay, here it is.
• Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
• I can't reach it.
• Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
• No.
• Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
• Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.
• Dark?
• Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
• Well, turn on the office light then.
• I can't.
• No? Why not?
• Because there's a power failure.
• A power.... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now...
• Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
• Well, yes I keep them in the closet.
• Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
• Really? Is it that bad?
• Yes, I'm afraid it is.
• Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
• Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.