What Your Car Says About You...
- Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
- Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars.
- Acura NSX - I am impotent.
- Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.
- Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states.
- Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
- Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp.
- Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people.
- Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them have a 'Vette.
- Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis.
- Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.
- Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
- Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.
- Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education, and I voted for Eisenhower.
- Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
- Ferrari Testarossa - I am known to prematurely ejaculate.
- Ford Explorer - I will not be caught dead in a mini van.
- Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)
- Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones.
- Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.
- Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
- Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
- Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.
- Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.
- Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
- Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
- Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.
- Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
- Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
- Lamborghini Countach - I only have one testicle.
- Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
- Mercury Grand Marquis (See Buick Park Avenue)
- Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
- Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
- Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.
- MGB - I am dating a mechanic.
- Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either.
- Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
- Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts.
- Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.
- Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
- Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock.
- Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie.
- Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.
- Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal.
- Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)
- Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.
- Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet.
- Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
- Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet.
- Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now.
- Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife.
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